To Ponder

So when I was being stalked, I secured a prescription for a drug that counteracts fear, and I still take it as it does me good. Because the prescription was so hard to get originally I am always rather tentative when I go to get it renewed,  saying I know I should ideally not still be taking this but it still has a good effect, and I would like to continue.

What the MD said this time: you know, you are the first person I have met who feels guilty about having found a medication which works. It is as though you did not feel you had a right to take the things you need.

This was a perceptive comment in a global way. Of course I also thought: I may be the first person who has expressed this sense to you, but we are legion. Many are raised to take as little as possible, to take the minimum, to accept less than we need.

I had just come from an academic senate meeting wherein a vote to request parity in salaries for women passed with a very narrow margin. Those voting against had alleged we had no money to support parity, even in principle.

The firebrand Marxists and labor historians, men of course, had abstained on grounds of insufficient resources (note that we are not the budget committee, we are academic senate), and women had voted no alleging that if we make less, it is because we are less meritorious.

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4 Responses to To Ponder

  1. Congratulations on the victory! The opposition is rather galling though.

    As to the drugs, two things spring to mind, one personal and one system-institutional. I personally try and avoid medication if I can, not because of paranoia but simply because I am proud of functionality and don’t like the idea that my physical resources aren’t up to running me. This is especially true of brain-drugs: you know, ain’t I supposed to have one of the better brains in this world, being an academic and everything, so how come I can’t master it? This affronts my self-esteem, I shall pretend there is no problem! etc. But even allowing for that, I don’t think there’s anything odd in wanting to be able to operate satisfactorily unaided by pharmacy; there may be a legitimate need (and society may be to blame) but it’s understandable to think it would be better if there weren’t.

    Institutionally, not knowing where you are and what the medical system is like there, I can’t help think it may be relevant to their opinion whether the doctor is making money from your continued prescription.

    • Z says:

      Very interesting points. The reason this drug is hard to get is ALLEGEDLY that it’s “addictive,” but I think the REAL reason is, it has gone generic. So doctors want to prescribe newer things. I appreciate this one being willing to prescribe it, and letting me decide whether I’ll take it or not, and I could certainly say in devilish fashion, the world has gone to Hell and we need more drugs, not fewer. However, I would prefer to be powered exclusively by espresso, spinach, and swordfish, or perhaps tea and a winter stew. Drugs and pills are inconvenient. So that MD’s idea about feeling guilty re taking what one needs applies better to other areas of life, I think, than to drugs; this is of course ironic, but I’m interested in the insight (and in your comment).

  2. If I were being devilish also, I would then wonder what it is the doc. has had to justify to themselves this way 🙂 But if they’re not trying to shift you onto a shiny new proprietary concession drug then I guess they’re probably on the side of the (altered) angels, all things considered.

    Good choices of power source, meanwhile!

  3. Z says:

    Well — the MD, why he has to justify, I suspect…just following internalized rules of the profession, the DEA, and the insurance companies, I think. I can see what his concerns would be and it comes down to (has to say “need” for a lot of reasons).

    Still, I’m interested in the comment for its other implications since it DOES apply to much of the rest of my life!!!

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